Big Bailout Extortion

Message to Congress: pay me $700,000,000 or I will ruin you. Yes, that’s right. I will ruin the economy by:

1) never buying a large screen TV
2) stop buying Coke or other cola-based products
3) never applying for another credit card again
4) never buying another American-made product again (do those exist?)
5) flushing all of my paper money down the toilet
6) throwing pennies into the Potomac River
7) never watching Fox News again
8) ignoring all advertisements, commercials and throwing away all ad mail as soon as I receive it (wait… I already do that) …

Watch this space: my ‘stock market’ is way down… that’s right… my Z&P lost 1,000 points (down from 4343434345114154 1/2.) And the derivative of the percentage of the investment of the stock crash black Thursday on the gibberish economy depression recession suggestion is crashing.

So don’t panic. It’s all a bunch of flim flam.


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